Q. My husband has a stressful job and needs to quietly decompress at the end of the week. This is also the time of year when he has the most sporting invitations and we are often driving 100 miles or more on a Friday night. Our problem is that, due to the nature of the invitations – house parties – we are often asked to give a lift to another person also coming from London. My husband is, honestly, a lovely man but not good on Friday nights, especially if the person in the back seat is a bit of a twitterer. Even with all the kit, there is room for another passenger. When asked for the lift I can hardly say, ‘Sorry, my husband is too irritable on a Friday night to give anyone a lift’ or ‘Only if you stay quiet throughout the whole journey.’ Mary, what can I do?
– Name and address withheld
A. Tell the prospective passenger: ‘We’re dropping a very tiresome couple and their dog on the way.’ When asked who they are and where you are dropping them, you can say: ‘Oh, now I’ve told you they’re boring I can’t possibly say.’
Q. Someone in our village set up a WhatsApp group which I belong to, and I must say it’s been very useful – for example, I bought a pony in the summer from a neighbour I wouldn’t necessarily otherwise have met. There is one contributor, however – apparently she is a former university lecturer – who sends messages almost daily and they are all written entirely in capitals. I find them aggressive – things like ‘PLEASE REMEMBER EVERYONE THIS IS THE LAST CHURCH SERVICE BEFORE OUR VICAR MOVES PARISH’ – and I am hoping you can advise.
– Name and address withheld
A. Post a message in capitals yourself: ‘I KNOW IT’S TERRIBLY RUDE TO WRITE IN CAPITALS BUT MY KEYBOARD IS LOCKED AND I CAN’T HELP IT. SO SORRY BUT DOES ANYONE HAVE SPARE SANDBAGS?’
Q. Recently I was hurrying to meet a close friend for lunch when I bumped into someone I have known for ages but never been close to. When he asked where I was heading, I said: ‘To have lunch with X.’ He replied to the effect of: ‘Oh, I will join you. I haven’t seen him for ages, he never replies to my messages.’ It spoiled our lunch. What would you have done, Mary?
– T.V., London SW11
A. You should have said: ‘I’m sure he would love that, and so would I – but I can’t encourage you to join us as we are being treated to lunch by his godfather/parents/aunt and it would make it awkward if I brought someone else along.’
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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